On listening

JD Salinger died this year leaving only his seminal novel on teenage angst. My friend says the reason The Catcher in the Rye is so disturbing is that we're all in there, reflected in at least one of the characters.

Holden Caulfield, the Pency Prep reject, muses, 'If somebody at least listens, it's not too bad.'

I did a course on listening where the difference between sympathy and empathy was explained. If I say, 'My mother died last week' and you reply, 'My mother died last year and she was ill for months and had four operations and it was awful…' that's sympathy. The problem is the conversation is now about you, not me. If you reply, 'I'm so sorry, how do you feel?' that's empathy. Very few people are good at this.